Eye can't take it anymore

I've never really known what commercials meant when they talked about dry or itchy eyes from allergies...until today. My eyeballs physically hurt. I'm not even joking. It hurts to have them open. Although eye drops have always been a fear of mine, I broke down and bought some tonight because I had no idea what else to do. The weird thing is that I put drops in a little bit ago, and it's like my eyeballs already feel like sponges. RIDICULOUS! I'm about to use the drops again. I could easily see this fear becoming an obsession. NEED. DROPS.

I go to the ENT tomorrow. Let's get excited! I'm actually not at all excited because it means getting up early on a telecommute day. I have no idea what I was thinking when I scheduled such an early appointment. It will be interesting to see what my nose is doing. Other than being a punk.

Umm, I guess I probably haven't announced the three kidney stones in here yet. I have three kidney stones. There. I said it. The CT scan said it first.

Onto non-bodily topics...Work is stressful. I'm not even gonna pretend it isn't.

Tonight I met a friend (MV) at Starbucks. That was most definitely the highlight of the day. I sure needed a refreshing beverage and a listening ear. DORKY!

I don't feel like saying anything else because all I can think about is going to get my eye drops.

Fra-gee-lay

Hi! It's Tuesday!

It feels like the week is flying by, but I realize it's only Tuesday. I guess I'm allowed to say it's flying by, though, since tomorrow is basically Friday. Woohoo! I loooove shortened workweeks!

Last night we had our annual family Bunco game. Per usual, I did just good enough and just bad enough to keep from winning anything. Shucks! It was fun to see everyone, though. I need to work on my dice-rolling skills.

What else? I'm editing our entire [new] website at work; it's launching in January. Most people would think this was punishment, but I think it's an early present! I felt like I accomplished so much yesterday and then realized I have about 348297329785263 pages to go. I WILL PREVAIL!

I can't believe it's the week of Christmas. Seriously. It seems like just the other day I was backing into a car and yelling about my kidney stones. Ahh, the memories! It's pretty inevitable that I'll have better luck in 2011, although 2010 has been a blast despite its complications.

Well, I guess it's time to head to work and HTML the silly out of some things. Perhaps I'll treat myself to Starbucks. What latte do I want today?! Decisions, decisions.

Have a great one! <3 <3 <3

Party in my mouth

Cherries make the day better.

Well, today was an interesting one, I must say. Early this morning I got an email from the study coordinator. Although the blood level we were originally concerned about was normal, I've had two abnormal creatinine levels. Basically, from my understanding, if this level is high, it indicates poor kidney function. So, I got taken off of the drug. Now, I don't know if this is a permanent or temporary thing. I believe I am going to be getting an ultrasound done tomorrow, but I don't know for sure. The study folks are consulting other folks and I guess I'll learn more. It's got me wondering if the bouts of pain were from an actual kidney stone or just my kidney. I WANT AN ULTRASOUND! In other news, I have GOT to be on the real thing, right? Vanilla doesn't make your body go haywire.

I went to the grocery store today during lunchtime. I picked up a few items, and one of those items was CHERRIES. They have made me happy despite my angry kidneys.

I had rehearsal tonight and we worked on dialects. I was in a surprisingly good mood and laughed A LOT. Dialects are funny.

The Braves blew a 9-run lead today, so that was impressive. Thankfully the Phillies have also lost three games in a row, so we're still hanging on to our 2 1/2 game lead. Today's game was an absolute embarrassment. I kind of wished I hadn't been telecommuting so I didn't have to see it unfold.

I better rest up for tomorrow. I'd like to exercise in the morning and I have NO IDEA if I'm in the show or not. Plus, since I may or may not be getting an ultrasound, tomorrow will be spontaneous.

SLEEP WELL!

Our house. In the middle of the street.

It is late! I need sleep!

I just got home from my first night of training lights at the theatre. It was a lot better than I expected it would be. For one, it didn't take as much out of me as is does when I'm mingling with the patrons. Mainly, though, it was easier than I thought it would be ... probably because my teacher was DA BOMB (KW)! I watched the entire first show and then did (almost) all of the second show with moral support. Awesome!

What else? The stone. I had another bout of kidney stone pain this morning. It wasn't Vicodin-worthy, but it was pain of a there-are-almost-tears-in-my-eyes level. Thankfully I took some ibuprofen and it was pretty short-lived. The anxiety-provoking thing about this is that, now that I know what I'm expecting, I know that the pain should be returning. That is NOT a good feeling! I got some twinges of pain throughout the night, but nothing long-lasting. Let's see how tonight goes!

I had J. Christopher's today. Spinach and bacon skillet in the houuuuuse! It included many things that I believe are on the do-not-eat list, but that's okay. I forgive myself.

Tomorrow evening I have a workshop at the theatre. That being said, I'll probably take it easy all day since the weekend has been a little hectic. I went out last night and was up until about 2:00 a.m., and here I am at the same hour again tonight. What a wild child I am! At least I'm enjoying myself...

The eyelids are heavy, so I better give in and sleep.

Every little step I take

First off - The title of this blog is a lyric to a song. I actually wanted to title my last blog this lyric, but I didn't because a friend had just titled a blog about "steps" and I didn't want to overSTEP my boundaries. HA! Anyway, I chose to title the last blog the NEXT line of the song just so I didn't seem like a copycat. However, each time I've seen that title, I've been like, "What? 'You will be there?'" because it's not as obvious and takes me a minute to figure out, even though I wrote it. So, in summary, the last two blogs have been inspired by Bobby Brown's "Every Little Step I Take," which was actually inspired by ANOTHER friend's Facebook status.

Now, if you know me, you know that I can go off on unnecessary tangents like the one above. (BTW: Now I'm listening to Bobby Brown.) However, you probably also notice that it's after 3:00 a.m. and I don't have the day off work or anything. Both of these mysteries can be explained by one simple fact, and it's that I'm pretty sure another kidney stone is rearing its ugly head.

I got my first twinge of back pain last Saturday before the show, but it was gone before I began performing. This pain is FOR REAL, though. So, to explain the unnecessary tangent, I'm actually on Vicodin right now. I tried ibuprofen and didn't keep it down, so I upgraded to bigger guns. I think I'm about to add another half of a Vicodin to the mix to try to get the pain below a 3 or 4.

Well, yesterday (Wednesday) during lunch, I went to exercise. I wore my bathing suit under my gym clothes, planning to take a dip in the pool after I finished running. Shortly after getting on the treadmill, I decided I'd rather swim laps. I ended up getting off the treadmill and heading out to the pool, even though I was goggleless. The result: I swam 30 laps! Now, the pool at my complex isn't Olympic-sized or anything, but it's between 15 and 20 yards. So, that was a big accomplishment. It felt good to do the butterfly for the first time in what felt like forever. It was a great workout! Now I want to get a membership at some kind of indoor pool so that it can become a habit.

When I woke up with the back pain, I was hopeful that it was swimming induced. As I learned with the last stone, though, when there is not a single physical position I can contort myself into to feel better, that's bad news. Ugh. I am nauseous.

Well, I've got a big few days ahead of me, so I guess we'll see where I stand after another bout of sleep.

Riddle me this

Even though I don't feel like I have a lot to show for it, today was a very worthwhile day.

Yesterday I ended up finagling my way onto the doctor's calendar for today - both the CF doctor (not my usual one, but a good one!) and the endocrinologist. So, I ended up waking around the same time as usual to head to the doctor.

My study coordinator was there to try to get blood from me and we gave up after three sticks. Trying again Monday...

The endocrinologist had all the reports from my blood and urine fiascoes, so that was a relief. It sounds like many things checked out well, but it looks like the tests showed that I need to go on a low-oxalate diet. Basically my risk of forming kidney stones is extremely high because of the overabundance of oxalate in my body. Now, I don't really even know what oxalate it, but I did learn a few things. I remember the doctor specifically mentioning not consuming wine and chocolate. I was pleased to hear that a lot of vegetables were blacklisted, so that's a perk. All I know is that I need to touch base with the nutritionist next week to talk about this new diet. As for the funny part, I also need to go on a low-calcium diet, but I'm bordering on osteoporosis. RIDDLE ME THAT!

Now, the CF doctor went surprisingly well. My PFTs had risen from my study appointment, and had only dropped slightly from my pre-vacation appointment. I actually couldn't believe it. They think it can probably be attributed to my new inhaled antibiotic. The doctor mentioned throwing me in the hospital since I feel bad, but said that she thought we should try 21 days of oral antibiotics. Obviously they want me to feel well, but it's also hard to warrant putting me in the hospital when my numbers are pretty good. I guess that's a good problem to have...

I met my old boss for lunch at El Azteca after the visits. We had a really great conversation, per usual, and it had my mind spinning for the remainder of the day. I was thinking a lot about vulnerability and taking chances. Sometimes it's hard to live vulnerably in a world where being 'tough' is the socially acceptable way to be. The more I do improv, the more I become comfortable with being vulnerable in many aspects of my life. I really cherish life and I value the relationships in my life, but sometimes I think I ought to do a better job of demonstrating that. I want to know that, no matter what happens in my life, I stayed true to myself and I wasn't afraid of being open and honest.

Tomorrow I'm performing in the 8:00 p.m. show. It hasn't quite hit me yet. The closer it gets, though, the more excited I am.

The Braves won. YEAH!

It's like thunda...lightnin'

Well, the weather doesn't exactly look glorious for Shoot the Hooch 2010, but WE WILL PREVAIL! According to the hourly forecast, it's supposed to rain pretty much all day. We'll see where the day takes us, but I'm positive we'll have fun!

So, let's talk about the doctor. Booooooo. Yesterday's appointment with the endocrinologist went pretty well. I have to get about 8 million blood tests done for different things, so I guess I'll be knocking those puppies out on Monday. My bone density has been dropping and they want to check out all kinds of stuff. They also want me to collect my urine over a 24-hour period to see if my parathyroid is jacking up my calcium levels. There is a nice little rhyme that indicates something is wrong with the parathyroid, "moans, groans, stones, and bones." The most ironic thing is that the kidney stone debacle hadn't even happened when I was forced to make this appointment. WE SHALL SEE!

Then, onto the study appointment. Well, we successfully got blood on the first stick today! *round of applause* Basically I sat in a chair and we had a space heater in the chair in front of me blowing right at me. It worked like a charm! Then, onto the dreaded PFTs. I didn't realize the PFTs were dreaded until I saw the results. I last went to the doctor on June 1 - before the travels and the Series of Unfortunate Events. My numbers have dropped pretty significantly in that short time. These are hospitalization-worthy, hands-down, but we'll see if the information is relayed along to my doctor. I don't feel bad enough to warrant going into the hospital, but I do know these are pretty much the worst numbers I've ever seen. Laaaaaaaaame.

Yesterday I had lunch with my friend (ED), her mom, and her brother. It was fun to catch up and eat MEXICAN FOOD! We got kicked out of the restaurant because we're cool like that. And they were also closing for the afternoon.

I operated the camera at the theatre last night. The show was sold out and a lot o' fun.

Off to tackle the Chattahoochee!

I'm proud to be an American

I'm pretty bummed that I didn't hear my favorite 4th of July song this year. OH WELL! I guess the radio stations weren't feeling patriotic.

I just got back from watching fireworks with my mom and roommate. I'm actually at my parents' house. After my grandmother's 86th birthday party today, I headed back here with my parents. My mom and I ran by the mall to return a few things and then watched the Braves lose (sadly).

Well, I've been feeling allergy-tastic these last few days. It honestly blows my mind because it's the middle of the summer; it doesn't seem like I should be sneezing with an itchy throat. I woke up in the middle of the night on Thursday and have been coughing more than usual ever since. Oh well...It could be worse; I could have a kidney stone.

What else?! Friday was one of my Summer Fridays and it was a really dreary day. I worked a bit and took several naps. Friday night I went out and ate some Turkish food and then hit up Starbucks. Ahhh! Starbucks! I hadn't really gotten a chance to enjoy a good ol' coffee since I got back in town.

Saturday I got up, worked out, and then headed to meet my sister at the pool. We laid around and talked for a few hours and then headed to El Toro (!) for some lunch. After that, I came home and took yet another nap, which ended up being three hours long. Impressive, I know. The emcee for last night's show then called to see if I could stop by the grocery store to pick up some ingredients for ABC Buzzer Cooking Show. I got the oddest combination of things, including candy corn, Vienna sausages, and turkey gravy. I also treated myself to an iced White Chocolate Mocha at Starbucks in Kroger. Oh man! I forgot all about this interaction until right now.

Me: I'll have a grande iced White Chocolate Mocha.
Worker: (messing with register) Grande iced White Chocolate Mocha. Hot or cold?

The show was fun last night. The 10:30 p.m. show was canceled since the holiday weekend has been kinda of quiet. It was a nice treat considering how tired I'd been feeling. I could have lasted the two shows and would have enjoyed myself, but I was EXHAUSTED!

I ran three miles this morning.

I'm riding back to our place with my roommate tomorrow morning. Yeehaw! We plan to spend the day at the pool, so I'm hoping for nice weather!

Drop it like it's hot.

So, let's backtrack. The last time I wrote in here was Tuesday night when I was in excruciating kidney stone pain. Right after the post, I started chugging water at a very unhealthy speed. As I browsed the web for quick fixes, I read something about olive oil, so I took a swig of it. It didn't really help the situation. At all. The combination of the water and oil had me hovering over the toilet about to vomit. Water and oil don't mix. I thought of that myself. I was feeling sick all throughout the night. Kidney-wise, I didn't feel very good on Wednesday. I planned to go into work but was in too much pain. So, I continued with the narcotics.

By the end of the day yesterday, it felt like the pain had shifted. Then, when I woke up this morning, I was positive that today would be the day. The pain had moved significantly lower and I just had a good feeling about it. My strainer and I headed to work. I took the strainer with me to the bathroom several times and, at one point, I was sitting at my desk and felt a sharp pain. I was positive it was ready. Drumroll.... The stone was cast!

It is so small that I feel wimpy, but someone at the theatre tonight who'd had experience before (working in a hospital) ensured me that it was not. It's my lil baby. I'm still thinking of a name.

My internet and cable also went out and Comcast is coming tomorrow to fix it. I am bewildered by the fact that it is working right now. My A/C is working, too!

On a sad, yet uplifting note, my friend KM passed away early yesterday morning. One would think that her death would be the final piece of news on this bad luck streak. The thing is, though, that she was ready and comfortable with this. She fought a long, hard battle, and assured us all that she was prepared. While it is saddening for a wonderful person to be gone at such a young age, I am confident that she is happier.

Rest in peace.

It's gettin' hot in herrrrr

Where should I even start... I'm going to go stream-of-consciousness with this.

I am in such bad pain right now. This is by far the worst pain I've experienced since the ER on Thursday. It's partially my fault, too. I tried to wean off of the pain pills for work, but I really made a bad decision on trying to tough it out. It's so weird because my pain is an 8 on a 10-point scale, and I hadn't gotten over a 4 since Thursday. I just know it's because I didn't adhere to the pain pill schedule, but frankly I was sick of being out of it. Life goes on. I have taken four Percocets in the last eight hours. It's weird because, when I breathe in, I feel a click in my right kidney. Good or bad? No idea. But painful.

That brings me to my next point, which is that the doctor's appointment today was a complete waste of time and money. I really want to walk into a doctor's appointment and hear something I didn't already know. Telling me to drink water is kind of irrelevant at this point. The doctor told me that he only needed to hear from me if things got worse. Well, his wish came true. Congratulations. He also made it sound like there are more than two of those silly suckers in there. Whateverrrrrrrrrrr.

While I'm being depressing, let's talk about my air conditioner. When I got home from rehearsal last night, it was making a weird clicking noise, much like my kidney is right now. So, today an AC guy was supposed to come out, but he called after 3:00 p.m. to say he wasn't going to make it. Thanks for the heads up, punk. Here I am, it's mid-80s in my house, and my new roommate has seen one disaster after another. I swear I feel bad for everyone who knows me right now.

I was in an improv show tonight. Did I think this was a good decision last night? Yes. Did I think this was a good decision this afternoon? No. I definitely toughed through it, but it was hard to fake it near the end. There were probably about 90 people there, 60ish being under the age of 18. Wow. I played Sounds Like A Song, Dialects, Narration Switch, and Musical Styles. Despite the pill-popping, I had an enjoyable time. It felt good to be back on stage. Honestly, I can't even believe I played Dialects, but I guess that's the bonus of doing a show while taking medication for kidney stones.

I think I might sleep like a baby tonight... on the couch.

I just re-read this post to look for errors since I'm not all here right now. It's amazing how pitiful I sound. I know it's annoying to hear someone who is being negative all the time, but I truly need a free pass to Negativityland right now. Yowzers.

Waiting is the hardest part

Oh, kidney stone, how I hate thee.

So, this kidney stone thing is getting a little awkward. I get a text/email/call every couple hours asking me if it has passed. As people know, I'm not very shy about much, but it's just kind of a strange topic since it involves human waste and what not. Anyway, as far as my body and my strainer indicate, it is still hanging out inside of my body.

Since I've been fortunate enough to have never experienced this before, I really don't know what to expect. I mean, theoretically, it could be out in a few minutes and everything would be back to normal (excluding the fact that there's another one in my kidney that could choose to jump out whenever it wants). I'm hopeful that it will be gone today, but in my "big picture" mind, I'm already trying to strategize about tomorrow. I feel most secure at home since people aren't here to witness everything, but it's also hard not to leave the house when I'm feeling pretty good. Who knows how much of that has to do with the painkillers, though...

Today I'm supposed to go to my grandmother's for a little birthday celebration for my mom and uncle. The trickiest parts about that are: 1) I'd have to get a ride, 2) packing the strainer is awkward, and 3) I keep dozing off at a moment's notice. I haven't yet decided whether or not I'll try to truck it over there.

I didn't make it to the theatre last night. I was confident that I could be pain-free while I was there, but I'd HAVE to use the bathroom in the time I was there, which would involve bringing the strainer. AND, given that the camera person is literally in the audience, I'd need to guarantee I wasn't going to fall asleep. Thankfully the theatre folks were very understanding and encouraged me to stay home and get better. All I'm waiting on is the "get better" part.

Well, this is going to sound nutty, but I might go try to exercise. I read that activity can help it pass, so perhaps that's what I'll do. The thought of it makes me anxious.

It feels like it's time to take another narcotic, though, because I feel the dull pain returning in my lower right back. The doctor told me to take medicine at the first sign of pain because the oral painkillers only work up until a certain point before IV painkillers are needed. Maybe the exercise thing needs to be moved to the back burner for now. Sigh.

Thank you to all for being so supportive!

Weight a second

Well, today was a fine day. I really didn't experience much pain at all since I kept myself medicated all day. I only got nauseous a few times and truly only felt some minor pain in my back. That pain was nothing compared to yesterday, though.

The weirdest part of all of this is that I am gaining tons of water weight. Since the stone is just before my bladder, everything isn't flowing through quite like normal. So, I literally weigh five pounds more today than I did a full day ago. Isn't that nutty? I feel like I'm pregnant with a Gatorade baby. It will be GREAT when this is over!

The Braves won today after being swept by the White Sox in a three-game series earlier this week. I was relieved to see that!

Today my mom helped me take my car to get an estimate since I am not really up for driving with these medications. It is truly going to be pretty cheap. I've just gotta work out the details surrounding getting to and from places while the car is getting perfected. I'm relieved that this isn't going to be THAT big of a deal.

As of right now, I plan to work at the theatre tomorrow. If tomorrow is anything like today was, I should be completely fine getting out of the house for a bit to work. I'm only on camera for both shows, so that sounds like it could be easy. My biggest concern is just the drowsiness. I seem to have made vast improvements on the pain front, but I don't want to be dozing during my crew shift. I guess I'll make the final decision tomorrow.

I need to go downstairs to get more Gatorade to add to the rest sitting inside my body waiting. This has to be causing hiccups somehow. I've had them about six times today.

Time for some sleep!

You've gotta be kidneying me

Seriously.

I woke up today and got out of bed, ready to head to the gym. After I'd been standing for a few minutes, I was in excruciating pain. Now, though, it was more localized in my abdomen than in my back. I got in the shower to tough it out, and literally couldn't stand. By the time I got out of the shower, I was just in tears. I called my mom and just started bawling like a tiny little baby.

She was headed out to my place and I couldn't take it anymore. She called my sister, who came to get me so that we could get a head start. We went to Emory because it makes it so much easier for the doctors to know everything about me. I was that person in the ER doubled over, crying out in pain. They got me back to a room and my blood pressure was hovering at 160-something over 100-something.

In all seriousness, it was pretty scary. There were moments when I wasn't sure I was going to make it through. I have never been through pain anywhere near this bad at any point in my life. The central theme throughout the day was that "people say they'd rather have a baby than a kidney stone." I was in a room just bawling and yelling at the top of my lungs for more than an hour. Finally they started giving me IV morphine, which worked for a few minutes and then wore off.

At this point a doctor came in, heard the story, and was pretty sure it was a kidney stone. She ordered another painkiller that's good for stones, and got me scheduled for a CT scan. The painkiller did wonders and I was able to lay flat for the first time all day. I went to get the CT scan which showed two kidney stones. One of them has already made it through the toughest parts and is hanging out just before my bladder. The other's just chilling in my kidney.

I got to come home after 10 long hours, and don't really have to go back unless I vomit, get a fever, or have the severe pain again. It's about time for another pain pill. I'm on four different medications while we wait this out, but it should take care of itself. We're just hoping the second one stays put in my kidney. Jerk.

Thanks to everyone for helping minimize the accident drama from last night. Honestly I've forgotten almost all about it since I didn't get to call the insurance company while in the dungeon.

I've already found a crew shift replacement for tomorrow night, and am going to try to wait it out and attend on Saturday if I'm functioning. I know some folks who are on crew Saturday and I bet someone would drive me (!) if I'm still on all of the medicine.

This has got to be the end of this series of events.